In the absence of having done anything particularly constructive for a while, I’m going to rant about the most exciting thing that happened to me in the last ten minutes, namely a packet of crisps. Walkers Builders Breakfast. This comes as part of some great quest to bring a new flavour to their range, and we can all hope and pray that its arrival will finally deal a crippling mortal blow to anything even vaguely related to prawn cocktail flavour (which is probably called langoustine melange or some other pretentious bollocks but still tastes like fishy puke in vinegar. But I digress).

Builders breakfast is an absolute marvel in flavour engineering. It really does carry the flavour of fried eggs on buttered toast. You can taste that it’s butter, not hydrogified vegetable spread or cow-tongue-scrapings or whatever else gets put on bread these days. It doesn’t taste of bacon, it tastes of the ghost of bacon, that residual taste your bacony tinge that eggs get from frying them last because there wasn’t enough space in the pan for it all.

It’s so well done that the sudden realisation that I was eating crisps and not a proper fry-up was something of a disappointment and made me want to throw them away and run for the eggs and the buttered toast instead.

Damn but I’m hungry now. Whoever put this flavour together, it’s a masterwork.