Less than two weeks now before I have to tick a box choosing to which one of the various people whose views entirely fail to represent my own I shall nevertheless assign the futile weight of my support. Futile as in the incumbent Tory had a majority larger than the total number of votes for his closest rivel.
So here today are the official policies of the five main national parties in the event of a zombie apocalypse:
The Conservative Party has no official policy, but pretty much plans to carry on as normal, as it already operates on the underlying principle that anyone on benefits is already one of the shambling walking dead. Zombies will be required to prove their undead status in order to claim any state support and to enrol on state-controlled “emplyment” schemes such as workfare.
The Labour Party refused to comment, leaving individual spokesmen to hint at a policy that would be the same as the Conservatives while vehemently demanding that it was entirely different.
The Liberal Democrats stated policy of inclusion and acceptance will be extended to include the undead, according them basic inhuman rights according to European law. However, leaked policy documents have subsequently indicated a plan to incite the zombie apocalypse shortly before the election on the grounds that it can’t possibly be as bad as the pasting they’re going to take otherwise.
UKIP “Bloody Zombies, Coming here from the Afterlife, Taking our Jobs and Eating Our Brains” stated an emphatic policy of rapid deployment of the army and the formation of armed citizen militias to quell the zombie apocalypse while quelling was still possible, mobilisation of the entire medical research establishment to explain how zombification is linked to homosexulaity, and the drawing up of a short-list of various “Johnny Foreigners” to smacked about. Phrases like “spirit of the Blitz” and frequent mentions of Chruchill accompanied the newly-formed UKIP Zombie Apocalypse Policy (ZAP) Team as they disappeared in to the pub.
The Green Party take the view that a zombie apolcalypse causing the extinction of the human race is part of the natural order of things and probably no bad thing, and state that it would be “irresponsible” to try and do anything about it, although if such a thing WAS to happen it would certainly come about because of Climate Change and GM crops, and prevention is better than cure, right, soyou’d vote green if you had any sense but you won’t because in the end it’s just about what’s best for YOU, right. Followed by some sulking.
No, I still don’t have the first fucking clue who to vote for either, nor is there much point in this constituency. But I do have some books to give away, and this week it’s a bit of an Election Special, since in part it’s a story of a bunch of over-privileged knob-heads too busy stabbing each other in the back to notice the incoming catastrophe that’s about to burn every last one of them 
This is a rare collector’s special giveaway, in that all three books will be signed and lined first edition hardbacks. That makes it a bit unique and special and also worth something for once, because this time there’s a catch: I want you to vote. All you have to do to enter yourself into the draw is leave a comment here, and the giveaway will run until the end of Saturday 9th, and if you’re from outside the UK then that’s it, that’s all… But if you’re IN the UK and eligible to vote then I require you to use that right on the 7th in order to win my prize. No vote, no win books. If you don’t want to vote then I respect your right to make that choice, and you can respect mine not to give you free stuff.
Usual deal otherwise – comment on this post before 10th May and I’ll randomly select a lucky victim for a free copy.
No one has complained (so far) about how long it takes me to get to the post office and post things, but it can take a while and if you live abroad then it can take even longer. Sorry about that, but they do get there eventually. Well, so far. Am currently not up to date with posting things (sorry previous Gallow winner – I will do it this week).
 Not everyone burns