Book Giveaway: The Thief-Taker’s Apprentice (22/8/2012)
I have a bit of a problem. I’m looking at my shelf of books to give away and there’s Altered Carbon up there, which I haven’t read, and Sharps, which I haven’t read, and I’m NOT giving either of those away, and then there’s a couple more but my editor is holiday and so is the other Gollancz editor and I CAN’T RESUPPLY!
So you get one of mind again. A choice this time: The Thief-Taker’s Apprentice or, if you’ve already read that, The Warlock’s Shadow.
It’ll probably be a trade paperback edition. Usual deal – comment on this post and I’ll randomly select a lucky victim for a free copy of the book. The thing with the Hyperion giveaway made me laugh and was far too much fun not to do again. So, inspired by a truly god-awful carnal scene from a best-selling author that I recent had to listen to being read allowed (if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll know what I’m talking about), only comments will be accepted beginning:
“The absolute worst euphemism for sex/something related to sex that I ever came across was…”
You can be as rude as you like as long as you’re not libelous. The gods of random don’t care. But if you make me laugh I might send an exciting bonus goody your way[1]. Although, though no one has yet complained about how long it takes me to get to the post office and post things, it can take a while and if you live abroad then it can take even longer. Sorry about that, but they do get there eventually. Well,so far.
[1] Exciting bonus goody not guaranteed to be exciting
August 22nd, 2012 at 10: 06 pm
“The absolute worst euphemism for sex/something related to sex that I ever came across was…”
Buttering the muffin!
August 22nd, 2012 at 11: 06 pm
Hiding the sausage.
Feeding her the pork sword / spam javelin / beef bayonet.
All food related, don’t know why. Just isn’t right is it?
August 23rd, 2012 at 7: 36 am
Receiving swollen goods
Letting the snake loose in the garden of Eden
Jiggery pokery
Touching the void
Aladin the cave of wonders
August 23rd, 2012 at 8: 19 am
“The absolute worst euphemism for sex/something related to sex that I ever came across was…” jerking the gherkin
August 23rd, 2012 at 9: 20 am
The absolute worst euphemism for sex/something related to sex that I ever came across was…
…She bangs like the shitter door when the plague’s in town.
…burping the worm.
…hosing down the back garden.
That’s all that springs to mind.
Si
August 23rd, 2012 at 9: 40 am
The absolute worst euphemism for sex/something related to sex that I ever came across was…feeding the goat.
August 23rd, 2012 at 9: 42 am
The absolute worst euphemism for sex/something related to sex that I ever came across was a friend referring to a girl’s breasts as, “two bags of sick”. Lovely imagery. Still haunts me sometimes.
August 23rd, 2012 at 9: 52 am
Not from my mind.
If your not covered in piss, shit and cum, your not doing it right!
Or something like that
August 23rd, 2012 at 10: 02 am
“The absolute worst euphemism for sex/something related to sex that I ever came across was…”
Petting the one eyed monkey til it cries.
August 23rd, 2012 at 10: 40 am
“The absolute worst euphemism for sex/something related to sex that I ever came across was splicing organs.
August 23rd, 2012 at 11: 03 am
The absolute worst euphemism for sex/something related to sex that I ever came across :
(a mate with a chunky girlfriend… And I forgotten this until your twitter post). … Tupping the teletubby
Or
A dalliance with tinky winky
Both so very wrong!!
August 23rd, 2012 at 1: 31 pm
The absolute worst euphemism for sex/something related to sex that I ever heard was: Throwing my sword at the Eye of Mordor.
August 23rd, 2012 at 2: 52 pm
Helping you clear your shelves of books.
August 23rd, 2012 at 3: 18 pm
Listen to some of the song out …
“I wanna take a ride on your disco stick”
Who needs to remember just turn on the radio!!
August 24th, 2012 at 1: 46 am
‘Bumping uglies’. Of all the most unenticing and discouraging euphemisms. Self-deprecating and insulting at the same time.
Also ‘waking the dragon’. False advertising and can only go downhill from there. Better to set more realistic expectations– ‘waking the lizard’ or ‘waking the gecko’ maybe. If that turns out to be something of an understatement, it’ll lead to a very pleasant surprise. But never go for ‘waking the worm’ — that’s just dead in the water.
August 24th, 2012 at 4: 50 pm
Defrocking the pope….I assumed this is uncircumcised masturbation.
August 24th, 2012 at 4: 51 pm
Australians refer to sex as “rooting”. So innocuous terms elsewhere like “rooting for your team/child/company” (like in a competition) have an entirely different interpretation DownUnder – they “barrack for…” whoever instead. So, having said that, the euphamism I first heard in about 1982 (more for a date leading to sex) was “going to do what the koala does… Eats, roots and leaves.”