Diamond Cascade: Introducing… Elf Patrol

First up is Tiarth, the blind monster-hunting elf who doesn’t even know exactly what he’s looking for – some kind of powerful undead. Tiarth’s specialist subjects are not-being-sneaked-up-on, exotic ranged combat, having-travelled-with-me-before-and-ran-away-without-any-explanation and being the only one here who’s not just out to line their pockets at the expense of everyone else. Tiarth hopes to star in a travelling stage adaption of Blind Fury before becoming a spiritual guru for delinquent young elves who think poetry is stupid. His favourite food is lasagne.

Next we have the first of the brothers from a land far away, Leninseeus or something like that, whose special powers include never being spelt the same way twice, accidentally teleporting through space and time and, uniquely, having-an-interest-in-the-bigger-picture. Levinshias’ hobbies include dandelion weaving and plotting-to-rule-over-large-potions-of-the-world-with-an-iron-fist. When not accidentally teleporting through space and time, he is an active member of the All Male Silvery Moon  Junior Wizards Choir. His favourite food is coconut.

Then we have Uthal, brother to Leveencheops, whose unique skills include pissing off local lords by sleeping with their wives thirteen seconds after accidentally teleporting into their territory and having a backpack that still smells vaguely of wee. Uthal is here because his brother made him, but hopes to make something of himself in this new land nonetheless, preferably as a speak-his-name-in-whispers-lest-he-hear-you murderer-for-hire. When not on quests to loot old temples, Uthal can often be found having a quiet drink in his local tavern where his favourite tipple is pressed burberries over ice.

Last but not least, Wizard Daftboy, magistrate of a small town with no name somewhere on the southern fringes of Osmuld. His specialist abilities include not-hanging-around-to-defend-this-mudhole-town-if-there’s-orcs-coming, using his one and only remaining offensive spell of the day to kick off a fight with a wereshark, and complaining that the Flaming Sphere spell really isn’t that great when everyone around you has +5 or better DEX mods to their Reflex save. Wizard Daftboy hopes one day to open a clinic for unusually open-minded elves ostracised by their own society for their lack of arrogance and xenophobia and to this end he keeps a journal of his travels which he hopes to use as course material – it is thus furthering his aspirations to abuse him. Wizard Daftboy’s favourite food is orc-grass.

They’re elves. They’re all at least 120 years old. And we’re all off on a quest. We could call it… Elfquest!


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3 Responses to “Diamond Cascade: Introducing… Elf Patrol”

  1. 'Judge Dredd' says:

    mmmmmM……orc-grass keeps me as regular as clock work

  2. 'Judge Dredd' says:

    eeeer about your character

  3. Stephen says:

    Don’t take it personally, guys. Guys? Guys? Guys, what did you do…?

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