Giveaway: Dragons (26/4/2015)
Less than two weeks now before I have to tick a box choosing to which one of the various people whose views entirely fail to represent my own I shall nevertheless assign the futile weight of my support. Futile as in the incumbent Tory had a majority larger than the total number of votes for his closest rivel.
So here today are the official policies of the five main national parties in the event of a zombie apocalypse:
The Conservative Party has no official policy, but pretty much plans to carry on as normal, as it already operates on the underlying principle that anyone on benefits is already one of the shambling walking dead. Zombies will be required to prove their undead status in order to claim any state support and to enrol on state-controlled “emplyment” schemes such as workfare.
The Labour Party refused to comment, leaving individual spokesmen to hint at a policy that would be the same as the Conservatives while vehemently demanding that it was entirely different.
The Liberal Democrats stated policy of inclusion and acceptance will be extended to include the undead, according them basic inhuman rights according to European law. However, leaked policy documents have subsequently indicated a plan to incite the zombie apocalypse shortly before the election on the grounds that it can’t possibly be as bad as the pasting they’re going to take otherwise.
UKIP “Bloody Zombies, Coming here from the Afterlife, Taking our Jobs and Eating Our Brains” stated an emphatic policy of rapid deployment of the army and the formation of armed citizen militias to quell the zombie apocalypse while quelling was still possible, mobilisation of the entire medical research establishment to explain how zombification is linked to homosexulaity, and the drawing up of a short-list of various “Johnny Foreigners” to smacked about. Phrases like “spirit of the Blitz” and frequent mentions of Chruchill accompanied the newly-formed UKIP Zombie Apocalypse Policy (ZAP) Team as they disappeared in to the pub.
The Green Party take the view that a zombie apolcalypse causing the extinction of the human race is part of the natural order of things and probably no bad thing, and state that it would be “irresponsible” to try and do anything about it, although if such a thing WAS to happen it would certainly come about because of Climate Change and GM crops, and prevention is better than cure, right, soyou’d vote green if you had any sense but you won’t because in the end it’s just about what’s best for YOU, right. Followed by some sulking.
No, I still don’t have the first fucking clue who to vote for either, nor is there much point in this constituency. But I do have some books to give away, and this week it’s a bit of an Election Special, since in part it’s a story of a bunch of over-privileged knob-heads too busy stabbing each other in the back to notice the incoming catastrophe that’s about to burn every last one of them [1]
This is a rare collector’s special giveaway, in that all three books will be signed and lined first edition hardbacks. That makes it a bit unique and special and also worth something for once, because this time there’s a catch: I want you to vote. All you have to do to enter yourself into the draw is leave a comment here, and the giveaway will run until the end of Saturday 9th, and if you’re from outside the UK then that’s it, that’s all… But if you’re IN the UK and eligible to vote then I require you to use that right on the 7th in order to win my prize. No vote, no win books. If you don’t want to vote then I respect your right to make that choice, and you can respect mine not to give you free stuff.
Usual deal otherwise – comment on this post before 10th May and I’ll randomly select a lucky victim for a free copy.
No one has complained (so far) about how long it takes me to get to the post office and post things, but it can take a while and if you live abroad then it can take even longer. Sorry about that, but they do get there eventually. Well, so far. Am currently not up to date with posting things (sorry previous Gallow winner – I will do it this week).
[1] Not everyone burns
April 27th, 2015 at 5: 56 am
Seventh time’s the charm!
April 27th, 2015 at 8: 03 am
Morning all!
April 27th, 2015 at 8: 28 am
I don’t envy the choice facing you guys. Still possibly better than our lot, Ireland did manage to go bankrupt.
Zombie Apocalypse should definitely be a hot topic for the election, especially as dome of the leaders have clearly already been turned
April 27th, 2015 at 9: 47 am
ooh – I need to check out your books
April 27th, 2015 at 9: 49 am
This’ll be the first time I ever vote, so winning some books might actually make it worth something!
April 27th, 2015 at 10: 03 am
Can’t vote in the UK, but I can still read, so here goes
April 27th, 2015 at 10: 14 am
I would vote if I was in the UK
April 27th, 2015 at 10: 22 am
Me! Me! Me!
Tried my hardest to register a postal vote in the UK
April 27th, 2015 at 10: 56 am
Dragons
April 27th, 2015 at 3: 37 pm
I vote for dinner.
April 27th, 2015 at 5: 41 pm
Those books are gorgeous! And I did vote in our last national election, for whatever it was worth. As they say in Chicago (IL, USA) “Vote early! Vote often!”.
April 27th, 2015 at 11: 28 pm
“I remember, I remember the flames.” Silence stole the show!
April 27th, 2015 at 11: 29 pm
In the U.S. we could end up with Hillary Clinton vs. Jeb Bush, the equivalent of Zafir vs. Jehal . ..
April 28th, 2015 at 2: 43 am
This is a prize worth burning down cties for! Worth sacrificing to the gods of random for!
Worth ending a sentence (or two) a preposition with!
By the way, the next votes I cast will be for the Gemmell & the Hugo awards.
April 28th, 2015 at 11: 41 am
Dragons dragons everywhere.. so lets all have a drink! Would love this prize!
April 28th, 2015 at 2: 59 pm
Can anyone explain why I’ve startted to receive tweets in Turkish? Ooops, sorry. Was I supposed to say something about Science Fiction?
April 28th, 2015 at 5: 08 pm
These are literally my favourite books ever, if I win these I’ll be over the moon! the Adamantine Palace was the book that spurred me to read as much as I do, really hope I get these!!
April 28th, 2015 at 5: 18 pm
Love these books, hope so much I win!
April 28th, 2015 at 5: 19 pm
Love the books so much,
Winning this would mean everything to me. Really hope I’m chosen, thank you!
April 28th, 2015 at 5: 49 pm
Love these books. I really hope I win, would be great!
April 28th, 2015 at 6: 10 pm
love these books
April 28th, 2015 at 6: 53 pm
Would be awesome to win these!!
April 28th, 2015 at 8: 58 pm
love these books
April 29th, 2015 at 10: 13 am
I vote for voting! I’m allowed to vote in Austria and guessing by the odds at the moment the Nazis will take over again, so give me the books that I have a good read before WW3.
April 29th, 2015 at 12: 10 pm
Would be awesome to win!
May 1st, 2015 at 10: 53 am
I feel as dismal about all of the prospects as you do but of course I will troupe out and attempt to do my bit for democracy and representation.
some free books would definitely lighten up my mood about the whole sorry business.
(do I need to do anything to prove I have voted?)
May 1st, 2015 at 11: 04 am
Those books look good! How about sending them my way?
May 1st, 2015 at 11: 13 am
Already returned my postal vote. If you don’t use it, you don’t have a right to complain about anything the Govt. does. Great looking books, thanks for the opportunity
May 1st, 2015 at 11: 21 am
Fabulous books, worth voting for these
May 1st, 2015 at 11: 36 am
Excercise your right to vote (to get free stuff jk)
May 1st, 2015 at 1: 44 pm
My brother loves these books im voting for him so he can expand his book collection if won
May 1st, 2015 at 6: 12 pm
Definitely voting!
May 3rd, 2015 at 3: 18 pm
Will absolutely be voting on Thursday. I agree – while it’s obviously crucial who people vote for, the truly important part is that they’ve voted.
May 3rd, 2015 at 3: 20 pm
My postal vote is already away. But I live in Scotland, and we don’t really count.
May 4th, 2015 at 12: 21 am
As a fledgling writer, I’ve a huge to-read list ahead of me, but having just finished The Adamantine Palace, the sequels jumped ahead of everything else! I would absolutely love to get first edition hardbacks, as I treasure my book collection. Great work, Stephen! You’re definitely an influence to my own writing style.
Although I don’t live in the UK, I intend to vote in the next election primarily based on two issues: climate change and space missions. Keeping our only planet going is paramount, but having another to call home is definitely a good backup should things get FUBAR on Earth.
May 5th, 2015 at 10: 37 am
I am voting for the least worst option I believe and must hope that something good will come of it. Something good could come of the chance to own and read one of these lovely books so here’s hoping, cross on postal ballot paper and fingers and toes crossed for good luck!
May 5th, 2015 at 11: 46 am
I cant vote since i am like 3 months away from being 18 ????
May 7th, 2015 at 10: 34 pm
I am 18 now so I got to actually vote for the first time. It’s a shame that I live in such a safe constituency that my vote wont make any difference. Damn you first past the post! (The probability of those Tories getting in was at 100%!!!)
May 8th, 2015 at 12: 12 am
I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many entries to one of your giveaways. Now I am wondering if it’s the very desirable & valuable prize or the interest generated by this very depressing lesser of two evils election.
May 11th, 2015 at 10: 46 am
The Gods of Random choose Matthew Summers! But did you vote…?