Giveaway: Dragons (26/4/2015)

Less than two weeks now before I have to tick a box choosing to which one of the various people whose views entirely fail to represent my own I shall nevertheless assign the futile weight of my support. Futile as in the incumbent Tory had a majority larger than the total number of votes for his closest rivel.

So here today are the official policies of the five main national parties in the event of a zombie apocalypse:

The Conservative Party has no official policy, but pretty much plans to carry on as normal, as it already operates on the underlying principle that anyone on benefits is already one of the shambling walking dead. Zombies will be required to prove their undead status in order to claim any state support and to enrol on state-controlled “emplyment” schemes such as workfare.

The Labour Party refused to comment, leaving individual spokesmen to hint at a policy that would be the same as the Conservatives while vehemently demanding that it was entirely different.

The Liberal Democrats stated policy of inclusion and acceptance will be extended to include the undead, according them basic inhuman rights according to European law. However, leaked policy documents have subsequently indicated a plan to incite the zombie apocalypse shortly before the election on the grounds that it can’t possibly be as bad as the pasting they’re going to take otherwise.

UKIP “Bloody Zombies, Coming here from the Afterlife, Taking our Jobs and Eating Our Brains” stated an emphatic policy of rapid deployment of the army and the formation of armed citizen militias to quell the zombie apocalypse while quelling was still possible, mobilisation of the entire medical research establishment to explain how zombification is linked to homosexulaity, and the drawing up of a short-list of various “Johnny Foreigners” to smacked about. Phrases like “spirit of the Blitz” and frequent mentions of Chruchill accompanied the newly-formed UKIP Zombie Apocalypse Policy (ZAP) Team as they disappeared in to the pub.

The Green Party take the view that a zombie apolcalypse causing the extinction of the human race is part of the natural order of things and probably no bad thing, and state that it would be “irresponsible” to try and do anything about it, although if such a thing WAS to happen it would certainly come about because of Climate Change and GM crops, and prevention is better than cure, right, soyou’d vote green if you had any sense but you won’t because in the end it’s just about what’s best for YOU, right. Followed by some sulking.

No, I still don’t have the first fucking clue who to vote for either, nor is there much point in this constituency. But I do have some books to give away, and this week it’s a bit of an Election Special, since in part it’s a story of a bunch of over-privileged knob-heads too busy stabbing each other in the back to notice the incoming catastrophe that’s about to burn every last one of them [1]

adpalaceCover first draftORDER OF THE SCALES draft cover

This is a rare collector’s special giveaway, in that all three books will be signed and lined first edition hardbacks. That makes it a bit unique and special and also worth something for once, because this time there’s a catch: I want you to vote. All you have to do to enter yourself into the draw is leave a comment here, and the giveaway will run until the end of Saturday 9th, and if you’re from outside the UK then that’s it, that’s all…  But if you’re IN the UK and eligible to vote then I require you to use that right on the 7th in order to win my prize. No vote, no win books. If you don’t want to vote then I respect your right to make that choice, and you can respect mine not to give you free stuff.

Usual deal otherwise – comment on this post before 10th May and I’ll randomly select a lucky victim for a free copy.

No one has complained (so far) about how long it takes me to get to the post office and post things, but it can take a while and if you live abroad then it can take even longer. Sorry about that, but they do get there eventually. Well, so far. Am currently not up to date with posting things (sorry previous Gallow winner – I will do it this week).

[1] Not everyone burns

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40 Responses to “Giveaway: Dragons (26/4/2015)”

  1. Raymond Just says:

    Seventh time’s the charm!

  2. Lee Gregory says:

    Morning all!

  3. Paul Walsh says:

    I don’t envy the choice facing you guys. Still possibly better than our lot, Ireland did manage to go bankrupt.
    Zombie Apocalypse should definitely be a hot topic for the election, especially as dome of the leaders have clearly already been turned

  4. Michelle says:

    ooh – I need to check out your books :)

  5. Craig says:

    This’ll be the first time I ever vote, so winning some books might actually make it worth something!

  6. Michael F says:

    Can’t vote in the UK, but I can still read, so here goes :-)

  7. Pat says:

    I would vote if I was in the UK

  8. Claire says:

    Me! Me! Me!

    Tried my hardest to register a postal vote in the UK

  9. James Clyne says:


  10. Laura St Clair says:

    I vote for dinner.

  11. Susan says:

    Those books are gorgeous! And I did vote in our last national election, for whatever it was worth. As they say in Chicago (IL, USA) “Vote early! Vote often!”.

  12. Christopher Miller says:

    “I remember, I remember the flames.” Silence stole the show!

  13. Christopher Miller says:

    In the U.S. we could end up with Hillary Clinton vs. Jeb Bush, the equivalent of Zafir vs. Jehal . ..

  14. Mango Heroics says:

    This is a prize worth burning down cties for! Worth sacrificing to the gods of random for!
    Worth ending a sentence (or two) a preposition with!
    By the way, the next votes I cast will be for the Gemmell & the Hugo awards.

  15. Matthew Summers says:

    Dragons dragons everywhere.. so lets all have a drink! Would love this prize!

  16. Peter A says:

    Can anyone explain why I’ve startted to receive tweets in Turkish? Ooops, sorry. Was I supposed to say something about Science Fiction?

  17. Tom Jones says:

    These are literally my favourite books ever, if I win these I’ll be over the moon! the Adamantine Palace was the book that spurred me to read as much as I do, really hope I get these!!

  18. Jack Roberts says:

    Love these books, hope so much I win!

  19. Jamie Thomas says:

    Love the books so much,
    Winning this would mean everything to me. Really hope I’m chosen, thank you!

  20. chelsea says:

    Love these books. I really hope I win, would be great!

  21. Karen jones says:

    love these books

  22. Paige says:

    Would be awesome to win these!!

  23. Adam says:

    love these books

  24. Melanie says:

    I vote for voting! I’m allowed to vote in Austria and guessing by the odds at the moment the Nazis will take over again, so give me the books that I have a good read before WW3.

  25. Kate says:

    Would be awesome to win!

  26. Helen says:

    I feel as dismal about all of the prospects as you do but of course I will troupe out and attempt to do my bit for democracy and representation.

    some free books would definitely lighten up my mood about the whole sorry business.

    (do I need to do anything to prove I have voted?)

  27. Jason Boyd says:

    Those books look good! How about sending them my way? ;)

  28. Paul Roberts says:

    Already returned my postal vote. If you don’t use it, you don’t have a right to complain about anything the Govt. does. Great looking books, thanks for the opportunity

  29. Steve Walsh says:

    Fabulous books, worth voting for these

  30. Nori says:

    Excercise your right to vote (to get free stuff jk)

  31. Lauren Jones says:

    My brother loves these books im voting for him so he can expand his book collection if won

  32. Sam says:

    Definitely voting!

  33. Katie says:

    Will absolutely be voting on Thursday. I agree – while it’s obviously crucial who people vote for, the truly important part is that they’ve voted.

  34. Ewan says:

    My postal vote is already away. But I live in Scotland, and we don’t really count.

  35. Benjamin Capra says:

    As a fledgling writer, I’ve a huge to-read list ahead of me, but having just finished The Adamantine Palace, the sequels jumped ahead of everything else! I would absolutely love to get first edition hardbacks, as I treasure my book collection. Great work, Stephen! You’re definitely an influence to my own writing style.
    Although I don’t live in the UK, I intend to vote in the next election primarily based on two issues: climate change and space missions. Keeping our only planet going is paramount, but having another to call home is definitely a good backup should things get FUBAR on Earth.

  36. Emma Mileham says:

    I am voting for the least worst option I believe and must hope that something good will come of it. Something good could come of the chance to own and read one of these lovely books so here’s hoping, cross on postal ballot paper and fingers and toes crossed for good luck!

  37. Morven Davidson says:

    I cant vote since i am like 3 months away from being 18 ????

  38. Billy Chadwick says:

    I am 18 now so I got to actually vote for the first time. It’s a shame that I live in such a safe constituency that my vote wont make any difference. Damn you first past the post! (The probability of those Tories getting in was at 100%!!!)

  39. Mango Heroics says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many entries to one of your giveaways. Now I am wondering if it’s the very desirable & valuable prize or the interest generated by this very depressing lesser of two evils election.

  40. Stephen says:

    The Gods of Random choose Matthew Summers! But did you vote…?

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