Going Wireless (19/5/08)

This is about how I write. Or rather where. In the before-time, when The Adamantine Palace was a twinkle in someone else’s eye, I had some definite aspirations in that direction. I would have a proper desk instead of a glorified shelf. I’d have a comfy chair instead of some amputated space-hopper Swiss-Ball thing. I’d have a nice keyboard, and a monitor that worked and didn’t randomly switch off and refuse to work for days at a time until I took all the screws out of the laptop case, did absolutely nothing else at all and then put them back again (with one unaccountably left over, of course). Nothing special, just the simple earthy dreams of a lowly writer.

So when the first advance cheque arrived, I bought myself a little treat. Dreams of writing via thought-transference while sitting in a levitating ergo-pod at a desk the size of Mars would have to wait until at least book two or three, but I could at least get myself a laptop which didn’t have keys missing and a monitor that was sensitive to the phases of the moon.

Easy. Job done. Hurrah! My so-called desk would still only fit a ham sandwich or a cup of coffee but not both at the same time, and I’d still be forced to sit with perfect spinal posture whether I like it or not (except when I fall off), but now there would be nothing standing between me and a good dose of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Except…

Except I went wireless at the same time. See, I thought that being able to send and receive e-mails from my little shelf, instead of having to do it from the Big PC That’s Only Really There For E-Mails And Playing Crysis, would be useful. I thought it would save time. It was an honest mistake, it really was…

Do I get to use my little laptop? Ha! Do I have to queue? Oh yes. Do I have to sit and watch other people ‘update their profile’ and ‘just check their e-mail’? Oh yes. Do I pine for the good old days where all I had to do was get out the screw-driver and I’d be back in business is a mere couple of hours? Oh yes, yes, YES! Was I given an earful of abuse (I quote: ‘I only need it for five minutes.’) and practically kicked off-line even when I was writing this. Sad but true.

Friends, think before you WLink.

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